I believe that the purest form of love can only be experienced through direct, personal observation. In today’s society we are pressured to make moves, to take action without prior knowledge, to expect instant connections without hesitation. We live in a world with rapidly decreasing attention spans where you’ve only got 6 seconds or the first message to make a lifelong impression. We engage in people places and things based on word of mouth, yelp reviews or social media posts and we carry this same mentality and process into our inexplicably personal love life. My self-discovered definition of LOVE is to Learn through Observation of Variable Expressions. What I mean by this is that we cannot learn to love through review, we cannot experience love at first sight. We must choose to engage with this human being on a level which cannot be expedited. We must first choose to learn about them. Learning may occur in any number of avenues from exploring interests to lucubrating habitual behaviors or discovering coping mechanisms. Looking for things that make them “tick” is the first step in the complex process. If you can take the time to comprehend the depths of an individual, to completely and totally understand what drives them and what gives them a sense of fulfillment and purpose in this life and contribute to that then they will love you. If you can stoke their fire and even reignite it when it simmers out because it will. We are imperfect creatures and life is full of difficulty and struggle. Inevitably you will face trying times which will produce feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt. In every story the hero gets lonely. If you can be a partner who understands the process and fuels the drive and sense of purpose in your partner you just may open up their heart. Be someone worth loving.
When I meet someone I am always curious as to what drives their “why” whether that be a career, family, values, spirituality or religion or some other external force. We choose to engage with someone, then we choose to learn about them and as we observe we will recognize in any number of expressions of how this individual may reciprocate the same. Human beings express their love in some of the 5 common love languages which include words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Now I am no subject matter expert here however, I do know what love is not. I have foolishly believed I have been in love and I have been led astray with improper values and unsavory acts. Because of my experiences I have spent many hours exploring the depths of my soul in an attempt to discover exactly what I need in life not just from others but from myself as well. I desire someone who shares a deep spiritual connection with me, someone who will indulge and will fill my well of the soul. Someone who loves themselves first because if you cannot express internal love and appreciate all of who you are then I do not believe you can properly express love or impose a sense of love on another human being. If you have not Learned through Observation of your own personal Variable Expressions then how will you know what to look for in a mate. I challenge you to set aside some time, sit down with a pen and paper, the computer, fuck it even a whiteboard. I challenge you to make yourself a list of things that make you happy, then write a list of things that give you purpose, and finally write a list of things you might desire or even require from a partner. Be mindful that happiness is fleeting, happiness is a side effect from pursuing projects of purpose. Happiness may melt away quicker than sorbet in the desert but purpose will be the driving force behind your relentless actions when everything around you is failing. Purpose reminds you why you are on this path. Take time to identify your purpose today, you won’t ever get this day back. Don’t waste it by being unprepared. Identify your soul food, prepare the dish and learn to love yourself because someone out there wants to love you. Give them something to love.