i had to be clear with her in order for any of this to go smooth, communication has never been my strength, and i was a damn communicator in the Marine Corps, a radio operator. ive always had trouble telling the ones close to me how i feel if it had anything to do with bad feelings or negativity. i never want to hurt anyones feelings and i would gladly torture my soul by holding in devastation if i knew it would cause someone else to feel uneasy. i hate confrontation, either i love you or i hate you no in between i dont want to argue unless were going to physically fight. i have been trying to work on my communication skills over the last 2 years and that has to continue even though were broken up. i had to tell her where my mind was at in regards to our new relationship arrangement. i told her that even though im just living next door for now we still need to treat it like were broken up and keep our space otherwise things will never change. we dont need to be hanging out and spending time together at least for a few months. we need to see if we even miss each other as much as we may think, or if its just the fear of being alone that kept us together. for her i know for certain the fear of loneliness plays a huge part in why she didnt want to break up. things are surprisingly well for what has transpired over the last few days. i told her weve got to live our own lives and minimize our communication unless it has to do with Paisley, although were still civil and pleasant to each other but weve got to take this time to focus on our own goals and strengths and weaknesses. time to grind.

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