today is day number 273 since my last relapse and for anyone willing to neglect conversions, that is 9 months. the yellow NA chip is mine once again. im so thankful and grateful and full of gratitude today. My life has changed significantly since i first walked through those doors of the Loma Linda BMC treatment center on December 11 2014. I know what youre thinking. the math doesnt add up, youre right and in my life it rarely does. relapse is a part of my story and although it is not a “good” or “acceptable” part of my recovery it has definitely brought about a more rigorous application of my program and it has given me a great deal of knowledge about my life. I never thought i would have the dreams i have today and whats even better i never thought i would pursue these dreams and turn them into reality. its been nearly two weeks since we broke up. i move into my own apartment in just a few weeks. August 5th the keys are mine. i am so excited. school has been hectic. life has been hectic. life is in full session and although it’s insane and circumstances can be completely overwhelming more often than not lately. i am right where im supposed to be. and you are too. dont forget that. when you can honestly and consistently give up your will and your life over to your Higher Power things get good, not necessarily good, easier rather. this breakup has given me a really good opportunity to place my principles before personalities specifically with her. my schedule has been so busy since we broke up i have literally been up early and to bed extremely late every day and busier than ive ever been in between. if i havent been studying or in class then ive had my daughter. ive moved my things around from one location to another and now back again. signed apartment leases, conducted study groups, maintained a gym routine attended meetings and worked on step work. and i just remembered she didnt thank me for cleaning her daughters room, but i remember thats not why i did it. not for the recognition but for the principle of the matter. Discussions have been difficult with her and now that im not in a direct relationship with her im truly seeing how difficult it is to handle these important co-parenting and other adult tasks simply because i cannot do them all myself now. I have been upset because she is in a mindset to constantly hunt for something to be upset with me for. an example is the other day when she had therapy she asked if i could watch our daughter and i said no as i was expecting a call from the VA for a doctor appointment at the same time. so we got a babysitter, the VA didnt call so since our daughter was being watched, i went and got a haircut….thats the first time i have done something personal  for myself besides the gym or meetings, meanwhile she has absolutely zero outside accountability commitments right now besides caring for our daughter, everything else has been for her leisure. as much as i wanted to just let her have it and unload my frustrations on her….PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES…in essence it means practice patience and other spiritual principles for your own good no matter who it is…do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing even if that person may very well not DESERVE it…but who am i to judge what someone else deserves or not. so i held it in, talked about it with others and moved on because  confrontation is not going to solve any of the issues. she is holding grudges or resentments and thats okay because instead of trying to be understood and let her hear my side of the story i am going to just choose to step it up one more level and not give her any reasons to get mad at all. im going to keep pumping. life is hectic and busy and absolutely overwhelming but im right where im supposed to be.


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